what to write... i often write down bad dreams, prayers, visions or anything weird or something i want to remember i hate recalling bad memories... memories of shame or mistakes. i scream F#%K Off!!!! when ever i catch my self remembering. . i still wonder why... i had found Peace, God, Love, Happiness but i couldn't keep them. these past days i often feel that there is nothing more. more to have? to be? for everything fades away, they come and go, if kept they tend to corrupt or spoil, making me arrogant, sick or feel and look weird i have to let go? its seem normal to let go. i had no choice but to let go. too much effort is needed to keep anything. a thought (i dint sign in or agree to be here) often comes to mind, i was being ungrateful of being alive a feeling (id rather be a rock, motionless and useless somewhere up high on top a mountain) i might be just being lazy maybe im not inspired to live on? im not in love at anything or anyone at this mo...